Changes are a comin'

I'm where I have never wanted to be. Single with a 5 month old. Due to reasons, that I will not discuss over the Internet, my boyfriend, of almost 3 years, and I are done. I wish I could change things. Wave some magic wand and undo what he's done.

I keep thinking, " Jesus, how did I get here? Why me, why now?"

I'm trying to be strong. Trying to figure out what will be best for my little guy and me. Do I stay here in Calgary? Do I move back home? Do I move back to Halifax? Should I live here just for my little one to be close with his Dad and chance struggling financially? Way too many questions now have to be answered.

To be honest I am pretty bummed and pissed about the whole situation. I wanted a life for my son that had his mom and dad being together. I wanted the whole Dad coming home from work and playing with his son. Family dinners, movie nights, *sigh* , just stuff I never had a chance of having growing up.

So decisions were made and one was figuring if I was staying for the man he is or the one he could be... The answer the one he could be. That being said, I'm sure things will work out. They always do. I'm a fighter and I will fight like hell to make sure my little guy is happy, healthy and doesn't go without anything.

Single mother..... not a title I ever wanted... but it's the one I ended up with.

Does anyone check this??

I can't believe how long its been since I've posted anything.
What happened? Facebook, I guess!
Let's see what has happened in the last year and 4 months... OH I know.. I had a baby.
Some days I really can't believe that I did. My life is no longer what it use to be. I can't believe I am a mother and I love it.
That being said there are days that I miss my old life but my little darling boy is only 4 and half months so I am hoping I am still in the adjusting stage, if there even is such a stage!
When I found out I was pregnant I thought 'ok.. this isn't going to be so bad. My life will be the same as it is now only with a baby.' I wasn't really going out that much. My partying days pretty much ended when I left Halifax. Man, oh man, was I wrong.
There are so many things that I really had no clue about and things no one told me about when it came to being a mother.

For instance...
No one tells you ,at first, friends will call like usual but then it becomes less and less each month. But even if they call or email all I have to talk about is my baby and no one wants to hear about him all the time. Even though he is the cutest thing ever. Still, I long for phone calls where I get to hear about what baby less people are doing. The dates, the nights out, work... you know what I use to do!

No one told me that if I held him too much he wouldn't fall asleep on his own. He's four months and if I don't rock him or bounce him to sleep he just cries forever.... I can't take him crying it breaks my heart and I really don't know how to fix this!! All I ever heard was you can't hold a baby too much. Um, ya, you can, and I wish I knew this before!!

I don't want this to sound like I am not enjoying being a mom. I do. It's the best thing in the world. I love it for all the little reasons, like when he wakes up in the morning and sees me and smiles its better then any night out .

month of march

I can't believe I haven't updated in so long!! How terrible eh?
Let's see February well I worked all of it. Nothing exciting.
March... I started physio, talked to a lawyer about suing the lady from the accident and well moved to Calgary and I'm looking for work.
My shoulder is completely messed up. I go to physio 2 times a week and it's helping but I have alot of pain in my shoulder. I have a separated shoulder and 2ND degree whiplash. My lawyer said for me to wait until I am healed so that I can be fully compensated. I have two years from the accident to sue and Alberta govt will cover it and then garnish her wages or assets for it.
I took time off to try to heal but savings are pretty much gone and now I need a job bad!!
I like my place tho so that's a good thing. I am sure it won't take me too long to find work. I did have a job this week but I quit it. The manager was totally crazy. I only worked two days that was long enough. Apparently they have a really high turn over and I can see why. I don't put up with anyone yelling at me. Especially when it's because I talked to another waitress over where I would find lemons. Yep, that's why I got yelled at. She doesn't want servers talking to other servers. And i read a review on the web that a customer seen her yelling and cursing at a server. That is really uncalled for.
Anyway, I need a job but I don't need a manager who will freak out over nothing!!
Back to the drawing board for me!!

GRR

I hate life right now. The other lady has no insurance. I am missing work. I have to pay to get my car out of impound and get it fixed. My insurance company will not cover the damages, just the physio I have to get. I don't how I can get physio when I work for 22 days straight. I can't afford to miss time. Too much money I will loose. I now need to sue the woman, don't know how I am going to do that from camp. My insurance company is looking into seeing if she has other insurance. I am going to freak out. I have to pay and take a stupid bus to work and it's going to be an 11 hour bus ride. BOO! I hate the bus. I don't know how any of this is going to work out.
FRUSTRATED!!!!
That's my story